Schedule It In

Schedule It In

Not Enough Time
When you're the mother of very young children, you're stretched to your limit. Then, just when you find a moment for yourself, your husband or your older kids ask when you'll have time for them. It's incredibly overwhelming. This is why scheduling specific days in your week or month to spend time with each family member works well. If you don't schedule these times, they may never happen.

Time for You
The most important family member to schedule special time with is ♥you♥. You won't have anything to give to any other relationship if you don't make time for yourself. Schedule yourself in at least once a week - though once a day is even better. When is the best time of day or week for you to take a break? Is it after bedtime or in the morning before everyone's awake? Is it on the weekend? Find a time and schedule it in and keep that appointment with yourself regularly.

Keep Your Marriage Going
It may seem unromantic to schedule special time with your husband but it is just as important as scheduling time with yourself. Mothers spend 24/7 in intense physical contact with their young children, cuddling, nursing and carrying. By the time you spend a moment with your husband, you may be all "touched out". If this is a source of friction in your marriage, try scheduling a specific day and time once a week for sex and/or for a date. It's not spontaneous to do things this way, but it can take pressure off the rest of the week, knowing you have this time set aside. Make a weekly appointment to do those things you both enjoyed doing together prior to having kids - it's vital to the health of your relationship.

Dividing Your Attention
Sometimes children feel they don't get the attention they need due to the needs of the other siblings. Scheduling a once a week or month date with each of your kids works well for mothers who can't seem to find enough time for everyone. Your kids can look forward to some one-on-one with mommy, knowing you've got a specific day/time carved out in your schedule just for them.

Your Relationships Matter
Make a habit of putting yourself, your husband and your kids into a weekly or monthly schedule. Otherwise, you may never find the time for the most important people in your life.

©2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com

Admit Your Faults

Admit Your Faults

Mothers Make Mistakes
Do you sometimes feel like you're doing everything wrong, your kids are going to suffer and you shouldn't even be a mother? It's not uncommon to have those feelings from time to time. Life is far from perfect. Human beings make mistakes and suffer sometimes. Our kids will get hurt and there'll be nothing we can do to protect them. Hard to accept, but all of this has nothing to do with whether you should or shouldn't be a mother.

Learning Curve
Why do we assume we should make everything OK at all times for ourselves and for our children? The job of being a mother is like every other job in that it has its ups and downs, a learning curve, and tasks we like and tasks we don't like. The difference is that the job of a mother trains us to be a better human being. If we're already doing things perfectly, how can we strive to be better? It's important that sometimes, everything is not OK.

Kids Need to Make Mistakes Too
You are a role model for your children. Teach them how to make mistakes, have faults admit them, apologize and grow from them. Let your children know that you aren't perfect and that they don't need to be perfect either. Let them know that life isn't supposed to be perfect but that we are all striving to become better human beings and that when we do, we make this world a better place. They will feel safe even with imperfections because they'll see you recognize your mistakes and do repair work. They'll enjoy knowing that whatever they mess up, they can attempt to clean up too.

It's About Growth
Admit your faults when you have them. This job can take you to the depths of your pain and lift you to the greatest heights you can reach as well. You don't have to be perfect but you can learn how to better yourself. You can always be more giving, more loving, more organized, more disciplined, more patient, more of just about anything. But don't let that make you think you're not right for this job. Instead, know that this is exactly why you have this job.

©2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com

Have Your Own Money

Have Your Own Money

Who's Money?
Your husband probably brings in the income while you stay home as primary caretaker for your little ones. Most likely, because you're home, you end up being the one who spends that money. But whose money is it? Do you sometimes feel like that money's his and he should have the final word on how it's spent? Do you think you shouldn't spend any money on yourself now that you're not bringing anything in? You're not alone. It's a hazard of modern motherhood.

Your Worth
Wouldn't it be great if the US instituted a subsidy for mothers who decide to stay home with young children, doing the job that our entire society benefits from if this job is done well? Even a tax incentive would make sense considering how much the country benefits from a mothering job done right. Unfortunately, giving up your career to care for your children puts you in an extremely dependent position financially - if you don't have the belief that the money your husband earns is equally yours.

Your Own Pot
If it's hard for you to feel ownership of the money your husband earns for the family, I have a suggestion for you: Open your own bank account if you don't already have one. You should have some money you can spend without having to discuss it with your husband. It's about dignity and freedom. You deserve to have something of your own.

Consider the amount of work you do and what your husband would have to pay someone else to do it. Dare to pay yourself: Take a weekly salary out of your husband's paycheck and put a portion of that money into your own account. Any gifts you receive from your parents or others can go into that account too.

Money Confidence & Kids
Your family depends on you and if you don't believe you have rights to decide how your money gets spent, everyone loses. It's usually the mother who determines children's needs and whether money should be spent on them. So your kids require that you feel confident about spending your husband's income where they are concerned.

Mom's Salary
Have your own money. Even if the household income is brought in by your husband, that money is yours too. He's not the only one who's working hard for your family. Check out this website to see how much your unpaid labor is really worth: Mom's Salary

©2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T. Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com

Get Help

Get Help

Mothering Alone
Never before in the evolution of the human race have mothers been required to care for children all by themselves. Even in the recent past, multiple generations lived together in the same house. Today, we may live miles away from the nearest extended family. This makes the job of caring for children, a 24/7 job that's performed without any co-workers or help of any kind.

You may be the type of mother who understands how important it is to parent her own children full-time despite the challenge of having to do it alone. But is it best to be parenting all alone? How does a mother keep from getting to the end of her rope when there are no breaks in sight?

Catching a Break
One way to catch a break is to look at your job with a critical eye. Write down all the tasks you perform on a daily basis. Check off the ones that you just can't stand doing. Ask yourself if there is anyone else who can do those tasks instead of you.

Maybe your husband can take on the baths at night, every night or even for a few nights a week. Maybe your mother-in-law can babysit for an hour a week while you do something fun for yourself. Maybe you can get someone to clean your bathrooms and floors for $20 or so every 2 weeks. Maybe you can give the neighborhood 10 year old $3 to come and play with your little ones for a couple of hours after school from 4-6pm while you make dinner and clean up. Maybe you can develop a cooking or cleaning or babysitting co-op so that one or two moms per week do one of those things for the other moms...

Help Helps
We're into new territory here. Mothers have never had to do this much work all alone. We need to get creative and think outside the box to survive. Start thinking about how you can get help. It can make a difference in your whole outlook.

©2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com